Believe it or not, I am grateful for many things. If you were to read my journals (which I’m not offering for public view here), you would find numerous passages outlining how good I think I have it. But too frequently, like the occasions back in school when I got a 95% on a 20-question test, I find myself more interested in what went wrong than what went right.
As a humorist, it’s a lot easier and more satisfying to poke fun at situations gone bad versus situations that either started out good and/or ended well. I call attention to other people’s self-righteous small-mindedness by using my own as an example. You laugh at my selfishness while silently seeking to squelch your own.
What’s the opposite of grateful? The word “entitled” comes to mind – expecting things should go your way or the highway; that life and everyone in it “owes” you. Other antonyms for grateful include “rude,” “thankless” and “unappreciative.” But you already knew that. Those are the words we use to describe other people!
Is there a suitable synonym for gratitude? Some sources suggest “obligation,” but I’m not so sure it fits. You can feel grateful without believing you need to pay back someone for their kindness. If you’ve ever made the mistake of offering money to someone who just got done doing something for you out of the goodness of his/her heart, you recognize it cheapens things. The correct response is prompt and enthusiastic acknowledgement.
Maybe there’s no other good word except “gratitude” to describe gratitude. We nonetheless recognize gratitude when we feel it. Great feeling, eh? To be the object of someone’s attention, thoughtfulness, or favor is nothing short of marvelous, especially when a note or a gift accompanies it. So why do so few of us take the time to thank others for providing a much-needed fresh breath of positivity?
It’s no coincidence I mention this at a time roughly two months past high school graduation commencement celebrations and at the height of summer wedding season. Grateful gift recipients should get cracking, take the high road and send out thank-you notes, however delinquent, to those who have gifted them (even if they suspect the gifting was done out of obligation).
Don’t worry that it’s too late. Overdue is just another excuse for not doing what’s right. Not only will the recipient of your thank-you note benefit from your expressed gratitude, but you will, too. How do I know this? From personal experience and from being a grateful geek who reads research on subjects as off the wall as gratitude.
According to University of California – Davis gratitude guru professor Robert Emmons, practicing gratitude (in contrast to the habits of envy, covetousness and scorekeeping) yields not only social and psychological benefits, but physical perks. Through helping others systematically cultivate gratitude, Emmons has documented these resulting physical changes: lowered blood pressures, strengthened immune systems, increased motivation in exercising, lengthened and higher quality sleep, and less-deeply registered aches and pains.
How do you sign up for that? By using the same pen as you did to write thank-you notes! Seriously, find a writing instrument and start keeping what Emmons refers to as a “gratitude journal.” It needn’t be elaborate, just a place to list what you’re grateful for each day. You could even use the squares on a calendar, which might also spark gratitude for the ability to write extra small!
According to Emmons, gratitude raises our alertness to the good in and around our lives and grounds us in the present. Gratitude increases our sense of optimism, empathy for others and the likelihood we will take positive action. Gratitude also blocks toxic emotions from seeping into our already self-centered psyches. Finally, it reduces the expectation and importance we place upon material goods, leaving us more satisfied with less. A grateful heart doesn’t have an eye toward what’s going too good for others in comparison to our own lot in life.
That’s a lot to think about. But don’t just think. Do something. Start counting your blessings, even the smaller, sometimes stale blessing crumbs toward the bottom of your dented blessings container. Savor the life-changing goodness of gratitude!
DIFFERENT DRUM 