Don’t judge a person by the mole on his/her skin

How do I get myself into these weird information situations? All I did the other day was innocently turn on my computer, log into my email and open a document from a rather benign sender, abebooks.com, my favorite used books place. But what should that website be introducing, but a new feature called, “The Weird Book Room.”

I was intrigued, especially after the used bookseller’s description, “We’re lost for words when describing our much-loved assortment of literary weirdness.” Two mouse clicks later and I was looking at the cover of a book called What Moles Tell You About Yourself. We’re not talking ground moles, but of the skin-growth variety.

Clearly, this 2000 book by Pietro Santini, one of the offerings from the way out (past the Milky Way!) Astrology Complete Guides series, is Weird Book Room-worthy. At no time in my psychology training did we study moles as potential assessment tools. Freckles, warts, birth marks and pimples never came up, either. Psychological scars maybe, but nothing only skin deep like a beauty mark.

So naturally, this pseudoscience claim got me very curious. If proven credible, the mole personality analysis thing might have the ability to undermine several years of my advanced education, similar to what the furry, digging variety of moles have done to my yard. I clicked on the book with intent to buy it. However, my curiosity fell short of its $20 price, so instead of splurging on the book, I chose to do some online research into the mole reading craft.

My diligence was rewarded at a website called profoundastrology.com. There, I learned a proper term: “Molesophy”, an astrological concept that purports moles serve as predictors of a person’s personality and social affairs. Who would have thunk it? Moles as markers of manifest destiny?! I guess the real question should be: is it for the good or for the bad?

I thought back to someone I knew whose body was literally dotted with moles. How did he stack up on the success scale against someone like Marilyn Monroe, with that single, memorable mole above the left side of her lips? From a moles-per-square-inch standpoint, shouldn’t he be far more successful and/or desirable than the legendary sex symbol?

Not necessarily, say Chinese astrologers and Molesophy students. What’s more successful is determined more by the position of the moles, rather than their quantity. To illustrate that point, they referenced a schematic diagram  of a human head with 23 possible standard mole locations for personality quality verification.

Unfortunately, the “key” to the 23 mole locations reads similar to fortune cookies: a person with a #4 mole (lower center of the forehead) is described as someone who “lacks in planning and has an unstable life.” I couldn’t help but think that’s partly due to having people stare at you wherever you go because you have a large mole in the center of your forehead. I’m just sayin’.

Conversely, those with a mole on an ear lobe are predicted to become “prominent and rich.”

Really? The place you don’t want to have a mole is at #s 8 and 9 (on the top of the nose) or at #s 16 (on the lower lip) and 19 (just below the left corner of the eye), as the moles at all those places mean you need to prevent unwanted sexual advances. Yikes!

It gets more outrageous back at profoundastrology.com, where mole placement runs the body part gauntlet. Regarding that tiny mole on my left instep? Well, apparently it signifies I’m easy-going and laid back. Sometimes. And according to the legions of small moles on my arms, I am leading a happy, married life. Boy, is that system off!

But the real reason I know moles are lyin’, cheatin’ sacks of hooey is that the mole on my left knee supposedly means I lead an extravagant lifestyle. Wrongo!

Just for kicks, all the single readers out there should try their hands at Moleology. On your next date-hunting expedition, try a pick-up line such as, “That’s a very interesting mole there on your cheek. I’d like to see they rest of yours!” Let me know how that goes. Then go see a dermatologist.

 

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